The movement, the voice, that some people call drive. The movement that tells you that it is tired of the direction you are going in now. Some describe it as a feeling that they know they are meant to be more. My experience was similar but different.
During the second half of my travels around the world, I felt it. I came back from a retreat in Thailand, and I was just done. The interesting part was that it was at a moment in my life when I was supposed to have everything. I had the physical freedom to choose what to do, but my tank was empty. My physical life was in bloom, but my conscious life was lost.
This was something I had studied and prepared myself for, but the experience itself revealed something I never expected. It was neither the dominant modern idea that I should do something I am passionate about nor the mindfulness idea of needing to find peace. It was both and more.
I found out that the first had a hidden pressure of needing to be and achieve something. It felt like I had to find a state to be in, which was being passionate all the time. This was not for me. I found out that I also enjoy the moments when I don’t know, when it’s a challenge not to be.
The second, I felt, was draining my life energy over time. I had a feeling of peace, but not much movement. I became passive.
What eventually gave me my direction back was being open to what my movement was telling me. Being truly honest about what it was trying to tell me. I found that it was complex, like yin and yang. Action and rest. Passion and peace. And simple, as in following it.
I invite you, dear reader, if you are lost or know someone who is lost, to honestly listen to what the movement is telling you. And this is not always easy. There can be a huge layer of resistance. What do you actually experience? What is true for you now? What gives you energy, and do you need rest? What direction has your heart?